I recently went shopping with my daughter, a 30-something
year old. In keeping with the
sister-hood oath of womanhood, I will not reveal her true age. When she shops, she likes to shop the junior
stores because she is a size 0, and there aren’t many stores that stock a size
0. That is not a typo – you read it
correctly – a 0. I told her not to say
that out loud because she would surely be attacked by all the Blimpo Barbies
within hearing distance. Sizes are
supposed to be a numerical value, like 10 or 12 – 0 has no numeric value
whatsoever.
Anyway, I accompanied my daughter to some junior stores at
the mall, because I’m the Mom, and I buy clothes for my kid - even though I
feel like a beached whale in the midst of young mermaids. But, to pass the time, I find a few items to
try on too. Express is having a sale on
jeans – buy one and get one for half price.
Such a deal, even though the price of one pair of jeans is the weekly
food budget for my husband and me. But,
not wanting to pass up a special sale on jeans, I find the largest size they
have and the sweet young clothing associate finds a dressing room for me – I
think I heard her chuckle a little as she locked me in the 4 x 4 closet. While in the little dressing room, I attempted
to squeeze one of my thunder thighs into one leg of the jeans – then the next
thigh. The tricky part is snapping and
zipping the low rise over my 2 pregnancies-bloated-stretch-marked belly. The little dressing room is not wide enough
for me to lie down, so I do a jumping up and down dance. Finally, the jeans are painted on my body,
the waist sitting about 4 inches below my belly button, but not low enough to
tuck under my gut. My devoting daughter
says, “They look great on you, Mom!” So,
if I buy them I will have to make sure I don’t go anywhere where I will have to
sit down, or bend over, or walk up stairs.
I’ll just stand there and think, “Look at me everyone, I’ve squeezed my
granny-aged body into a pair of teeny-bopper jeans.” But, hey, a sale is a sale, and we got her
size 0 jeans for half price!!
