I recently went shopping with my daughter, a 30-something year old. In keeping with the sister-hood oath of womanhood, I will not reveal her true age. When she shops, she likes to shop the junior stores because she is a size 0, and there aren’t many stores that stock a size 0. That is not a typo – you read it correctly – a 0. I told her not to say that out loud because she would surely be attacked by all the Blimpo Barbies within hearing distance. Sizes are supposed to be a numerical value, like 10 or 12 – 0 has no numeric value whatsoever.
Anyway, I accompanied my daughter to some junior stores at the mall, because I’m the Mom, and I buy clothes for my kid - even though I feel like a beached whale in the midst of young mermaids. But, to pass the time, I find a few items to try on too. Express is having a sale on jeans – buy one and get one for half price. Such a deal, even though the price of one pair of jeans is the weekly food budget for my husband and me. But, not wanting to pass up a special sale on jeans, I find the largest size they have and the sweet young clothing associate finds a dressing room for me – I think I heard her chuckle a little as she locked me in the 4 x 4 closet. While in the little dressing room, I attempted to squeeze one of my thunder thighs into one leg of the jeans – then the next thigh. The tricky part is snapping and zipping the low rise over my 2 pregnancies-bloated-stretch-marked belly. The little dressing room is not wide enough for me to lie down, so I do a jumping up and down dance. Finally, the jeans are painted on my body, the waist sitting about 4 inches below my belly button, but not low enough to tuck under my gut. My devoting daughter says, “They look great on you, Mom!” So, if I buy them I will have to make sure I don’t go anywhere where I will have to sit down, or bend over, or walk up stairs. I’ll just stand there and think, “Look at me everyone, I’ve squeezed my granny-aged body into a pair of teeny-bopper jeans.” But, hey, a sale is a sale, and we got her size 0 jeans for half price!!