Bathing a Dog

It's time to bathe the dog. This requires skill and patience - and a dog. My dog is a Golden Retriever with a mind of her own. She is also 13 years old, but doesn't slow her down at all. Here are the steps I just followed to Bathe the Dog.

First you must brush the dog. This is done outside so hair does not permeate into the furniture. A soft brush is the best. Brush the dog from the neck back to the tail. The dog will run away. Call the dog. Wait for the dog to come. Brush the sides of the dog. Dog runs. Clean out the brush. Yell for the dog. Brush faster. Dog runs away. Catch the dog and corner dog between the shed and the wall. Finish brushing top, sides, and tail. Dog really does not like the tail brushed and runs away, pretending to sniff for squirrels. Yup, squirrels in Phoenix - once upon a time. Clean the brush and now I am ready to bathe the dog.

The bathing process is done outside also, since the dog is too big for the tub or shower. Who wants dog hair down the shower anyway. Not me. I check the temperature outside because I don't want the dog to get cold. It is 5:30 pm and 110 degrees. Good enough. Remember, we live in Phoenix - it's August - 'nuff said. Not only that, but I need an adult beverage before confronting the dog. Fix myself a nice, cold adult beverage.

Because the dog likes to run away, I have placed her chain around her neck and tied her leash to the lawn chair. I have a handy, dandy little spray nozzle screwed to the hose so I can adjust the water coming out and squeeze it whenever I want to rinse her off. I spray the dog, getting her nice and wet. She is not real fond of this, but can't go anywhere. Because the adult beverage is kicking in, I taunt the dog with the spray of water, experimenting with the different settings. She runs away, dragging the lawn chair with her as she prances across the back yard.

After chasing the dog around the yard and corralling her back to the bathing spot, it's time to add the doggie shampoo and rub it in really well. Since this is medicated shampoo, the instructions say to leave it on the dog's coat for 10 minutes. Ten minutes is like an hour to a dog. But, I sit in my lawn chair and wait, sipping in my cold drink and enjoying the heat rising from the lawn. The dog is not going anywhere - she is not happy. How could she not be happy. It is hot and I have just sprayed her with water numerous times.

So now it is time to rinse the dog. I rinse and rub, rinse and rub. I lay the nozzle down on the ground, and it sprays up at me, getting me all wet. Ok, I can handle this - it's 110 degrees outside and I am beginning to feel a slight buzz. Once the dog is squeeky clean, I feel it is safe to undo the leash and let her run. Not only does she run, she rolls around in the grass to dry herself off. Calling her by her full name, I dry her off myself with the towel I grabbed from the garage.

Now the dog is clean, dry, and happy. She goes bounding around the yard, barking at nothing. I go inside to refresh my adult beverage. And that is how you bathe a dog.