Thursday, December 23, 2010

It's Christmas Time in the City

I love shopping at Christmas time – the lights, the trees, the ornaments, the shoppers - all are decked out for the season. If you like to people watch, the mall at Christmas time is the perfect venue. All sizes, shapes, ages, and types have emerged from their caves and congregated at the mall. It’s like a Star Trek reunion. Let me give you some examples.

There are the middle-aged women who wear their excitement of the season. They are wearing the red sweatshirt (it’s 80 degrees outside) with a huge Christmas tree on the front that is adorned with lights that blink on and off, gold bells around their necks and ornaments dangling from their ears, and a Santa hat. I look around for the reindeer.

Then there’s the woman pushing her baby in the stroller. She has painted Capri pants on her hips down to her calves, strutting along in 3-inch heels, a scooped-neck tank top that pushes her peaches up to her neck, and chains of silver beads hanging around her bare skin, off her ears, and down her arms. Is she really on her way to Toys-R-Us?

The following woman takes the trophy, however. She had tattoos up and down her arms and legs – even a dagger or something on the small of her back. I could see the one on her back because she was wearing a white corset, which was 2 sizes too small. Tattooed across her chest was “God Bless Me.” Her skirt was a pink layered chiffon ballet skirt – even if it is December in the desert, I think the fashion police would arrest her for that one. For shoes she wore tan mukluks furry boots. I can’t make this up, folks. If I had been a little bolder, I would have taken a picture with my camera phone.

Women do not have a monopoly on weird. Enter a man in a muscle shirt, showing off his kaleidoscope of tattoos all over his body. The colors are actually quite lovely – for a bedspread, and the nose ring makes me wonder what he does when he has a cold.

Scottsdale is a city that breeds a different style of man. Three of them were in the Tommy Bahama store goggle-eyed over the stripe button-down collared slightly wrinkled shirts. You’ve seen them, the preppy types. Brown leather tasseled beach loafers with no socks, white Dockers ironed so the crease shows, pink golf shirt with a green palm tree and the words “Scottsdale Country Club” embroidered on the sleeve, and short hair that has been faux sun bleached spiked up with hair glue. “Let’s go get that appletini now, boys.”

Then there is the guy in plaid shorts and a blue T-shirt that says, “Spaced Out” with a picture of a Smurf. He also has Mohawk hair. Wait a minute…that’s my son…

And that’s Christmas time in the city…Merry Christmas, Trekkies, and to all a good night.

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