Thursday, July 28, 2011


1. When you leave the garage door open it means...

a. Small Town...the neighbors come over and visit; you have a beer and catch up on all the neighborhood gossip.

b. Big City...the golf clubs, broken stereo, discarded satellite receiver, and car all disappear.

2. When you make an appointment at the eye doctor, the receptionist says...

a. Small Town..."What time today would you like to come in? 11:00 or 11:30? OK, I'll put you down for 11-ish."

b. Big City..."We don't have an opening until October 27, 2012 at 7:30 am. Be sure to come in 45 minutes before your scheduled time to fill out the paperwork."

3. When postage is due on mail...

a. Small Town...they leave a little envelope in your mailbox for the 15 cents.

b. Big City...they leave a large yellow bill stating they are holding your mail hostage until you drive 8 miles to the nearest post office between the hours of 9:00 am and 4:00 pm to give them the 15 cents.

4. When you ask for directions, you get something like this...

a. Small Town..."It's just down the hill across from the fire station."

b. Big City..."Go east on the 101 for 10 miles, it will turn into the Pima Freeway; drive another 15 miles, and take the 202 to Exit 568 to Rural Road, which is Scottsdale Road going north; turn left on Rio Salado, go to the second light, turn right..."

5. When buying bottled beverages...

a. Small can only buy liquor at the one state-run store in town, and it is closed on Sundays.

b. Big City...there are drive-through liquor stores open 24/7.

6. Stores...

a. Small Town...ducks and chickens are sold in the general store and there are only 2 stores where you can buy groceries, Wal Mart and the local grocer. A gallon of milk costs $4.50.

b. Big have to drive 45 miles before you even see a duck or chicken. There is a grocery store on every corner, a Wal Mart every 5 miles, and a gallon of milk costs $1.50.

7. Traffic Lights...

a. Small Town...there are one, maybe two, traffic lights in the entire town.

b. Big City...there are hundreds of traffic lights, all set differently, complete with radar, cameras, left-turn arrows, right-turn arrows, and chirping sounds for the visually impaired.

8. Starbucks

a. Small Town...NONE

b. Big on every corner, in Target, in grocery stores, and shopping malls.

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